Self-Respect: Plural-Asexuality

Alright, it's late and this front seems to be vaguely covering a good third of the system - so let's talk about sex, and how being (in) a system can colour your sexuality.

So question - how do you have sex with a plural system? Or, a member of a plural system?

You were listening before - that sounds completely loaded, right? It'll be some vaguery like "it's different for every system and headmate" and go nowhere. And like, yes, but I also think as a resource we have a responsibility to make sure that a system's sexual preferences aren't held back by a limited imagination over their options - so, let's dance.

We're sex-having asexuals, which means that we hate all the sex acts people think of as fun and like all the sex acts people think of as boring or childish. I think this gave us an unfair advantage unashamedly figuring some of these things out, so we'll try to share.

Remember how we said that even headmates that can't talk at all, or leave notes, or use text chats, can still develop relationships? I think understanding that there's an underlying process that works even when almost everything is taken away is equally helpful for sex, too.

There's a lot of unknowns, right? Genitalia might be off limits due to a self-perception mismatch or plain old dysphoria. Hell, touching bodies together in general might be off the table in some cases. And you're going, "[systemname], how the Fuck does your baseline model for sex not involve touch" and - we're asexual! The word "sex" roughly resolves to "intimacy session", and that's both intimacy with another person but also intimacy with yourself.

To us, plural sex is perception. It's seeing a headmate as themselves (or you as yourself) to the fullest possible extent - removing the obstructions of masking, of being distracted by the physical body, or of unfamiliarity - and then seeing where that makes you want to go! And sure that might be stereotypical sex acts and power to you, good perception fuels lots of things, but it could equally just be a bit of a staring session. A middle ground might be a bit of body-perception mapping - placing a hand down somewhere on the system's body, then stating (or asking) what's underneath it metaphysically - relaxing, really, after fighting to feel seen even by yourself for so long.

And if that sounds like we've just said "have sex, but while being respectful to the system/headmate in front of you by being invested in perceiving them in full and making sure they know you are" then you're completely right and I've succeeded. It only sounds different because we don't personally slap "popular sex act" on top of that and so hold it in a much higher sentimental value.

Needless to say, this does apply to intrasystem relationships as well. No need to have some fancy co-fronting skills or a perfect friend for two-body threesome - "Just masturbate while correctly perceiving a headmate" is an incredibly simple thing nobody can fault you for calling "intrasystem sex". Normally you'd perceive them as hot during that process but I don't know your life. Is this narcissistic? Great question. dunno. Do you care?

Also, I think a lot of people in nonhuman communities reach for cybersex or other role play to fulfil that "sex as perception" type of desire. Plurality similarly benefits from it well. There's no body to map to, but no body to mismatch - Just mime out what conceptually attracts you! simple enough, once you find what tense and case it feels comfortable typing in.

Yeah that's the whole ramble i'm not here for cosmopolitan style tips to spice up your plural sex life sorry - enjoy yourselves!